Resilience in Discipline and Repentance

They are being greatly shaken. And he is able to say these things because: 'My heart was troubled within me, and my strength has failed me, and the light of my eyes is no longer with me' (Ps 38:10), my feet were slipped, but they did not fall. For such things happen to those who are most penitent, and it is to be learned from another psalm: 'How good is God to Israel, to those of an upright heart. But my feet were shaken but a little, my steps were spilled out a little, because I zealously pursued the lawless ones' (Ps 73:27-28). It is the countenance of one repenting.

It is not being announced by the one repenting as a countenance from the disposition of one pretending to repent; rather, he knew that 'as good is the God of Israel to those of an upright heart' (Ps 73:27) He does what He does. And I, the uncertain limit—who otherwise introduces the penitent—must be slipped but a little and fall. And I say an apostolic accompaniment to this: 'We know that the law is spiritual' (Rom 7:14)—we, the perfect, the disciples of the Spirit, those having received the divine and spiritual law. 'But I am flesh, sold under sin' (Rom 7:14). It is not the one knowing that the law is spiritual who is flesh, sold under sin; for he was separating himself from those things. 'We know that the law is spiritual,' he says generally concerning the saints. 'But I am flesh, sold under sin.'

And many doctrines this very brief expression subverts: 'I am flesh'; not by nature, nor am I such by construction, but 'having been sold under sin.' For he who is sold under a certain master in order to become so is not fleshly by nature; for his state has become such through an action. And here: 'How good is God to Israel, to those of an upright heart. But my feet were shaken but a little' (Ps 73:27), makes the soul manifest. And this 'but a little' shows that he is not entirely slipped. For he who says: 'I was slaughtered but a little,' shows that he was not slaughtered. 'My steps were spilled out a little' (Ps 73:28). I was running well, I was walking as was necessary, I was taking steps straightly. But these were spilled out only a little. And it is spilled out when the runner is startled and turns toward the rear. And from this very word, observe: 'Take me up to a high, sandy place.' I have seen the branch of my feet...

They magnified me as if I were a fallen corpse, speaking words of pride. One might say in another way: 'Do not rejoice over me, my enemy, because I have fallen; I shall stand up.' But he who speaks now says I did not fall at all, but only my feet were shaken; for if one who falls stands up and leaves the enemy's triumph, he is much more than one who never fell. It is easier to stand and steady the feet when one is shaken than to rise up having fallen. Therefore, if the difficult thing happens, the easy thing is much more quickly established.

For I am ready for lashes. Even if I am in motion and my strength has left me and the light of my eyes is not with me and my feet were shaken, I am ready for lashes; for I do not refuse to be lashed by you, as one whom you discipline as a beloved son. 'Do not slight the Lord's discipline; for whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He lashes every son whom He receives' (Heb 12:5-6). Since therefore I am a son, even if I have shared in the cause of lashes myself, I refuse to be magnified by them, that is, their treating me as one being overturned. But I am ready to be lashed by you.

And my pain is before me always. I suffer because I have become entirely among those who bring rebukes, those who bring lashes. He who grieves the 'godly sorrow that brings repentance unto salvation' (2 Cor 7:10) has this pain added to himself always. Just as one who has a dead person and wails over him, weeping as much as he sees him, so the one who has come into the bringing of lashes wails and weeps as much as he sees them, and has this pain added to himself always. Let us say, for example, if someone has become ill with an incurable disease; from the pain of this disease, he has pain added to it. If a physician or the help of God describes the cause of the pain as the disease, he immediately casts away the pain and says, 'You have turned my mourning into joy for me' (Ps 30:5). And he says, 'The Lord has heard and has had mercy on me' (Ps 30:2). And so that I may speak more clearly: Lazarus, the brother of those around Mary and Martha, died, and in as long as he was in death, those there grieved and wailed as much as those who had come to entreat me to weep with them (John 11). But when he said, 'Lazarus, come out!' and the mourning was cast away, no longer...