The Humiliation of the Apostle

And the use of history often happens for assistance; for we have seen many things accomplished through fasting, such as the city of Nineveh not falling to destruction, and the nation of the Jews being saved from Haman. 'And my prayer shall turn into my bosom' (Ps 17:5). By the name of the bosom, in many writings, the mind and governing principle are meant, as if it says: 'everything shall turn into the bosom of the unrighteous.' It is equal to: 'I have given their ways into their own heads' (Ps 106:15); for again the heads signify the governing principle: 'his labor shall return upon his own head.' The holy man prays that good things might come to be. And there is no other prayer than a 'petition for good things from God.' When someone obtains the good things for which he prayed, his prayer was turned into his own bosom. It was not cast away and remained outside, whose voice was sent up and was scattered into the air, but it brought what he had asked. And this means that his prayer is not sent up in vain, but is received into the heart of the one praying, into what he asked: 'the one filling your desire with good things.' the one who desires them is filled with them. 'This deception is in the land of Egypt, in their bosom' (Gen 41:54). And: 'the woman who is in your bosom,' whom you love, who is of one mind with you, who is in agreement with you. 'And my prayer shall turn into my bosom.' The one asking good things from God prays. When he obtains what he asks, his prayer turned into his bosom, into his governing principle. And I have diverted from many sayings, that the governing principle is often signified by the name of the bosom: 'this is their deception in the land of Egypt in their bosom.' And again: 'everything comes into the bosom of the unrighteous.'

But the bosom signifies intimacy. So also in the bosoms of the patriarchs Abraham found rest, having the same courage and endurance, and: 'the woman who is in your bosom,' your own, living together with you. As a neighbor, as our brother, thus they were pleasing. This says that: no one has an excuse to be angry with me, no one takes from me a cause to be an enemy to me; for toward each one I was thus as a neighbor, as a brother, and thus they were pleasing through brotherly love, friendship, and sibling-love. As one mourning and dejected.

Living, thus I was humbled. 'Thus I was humbled' because of them. Those whom it seemed to be neighbors and brothers were gathered against me; they waged war against me, as in the beginning of this psalm: 'Judge, O Lord, those doing wrong to me, fight those fighting against me' (Ps 54:5). Again he says: 'To me they spoke peace, but they were plotting deceit in anger' (Ps 55:21). Because of this, as one mourning them and as one being gloomy toward them, thus I was humbled; for if I were providing them with things that gladden, I would be exalted, rejoice, and be glad from cheerfulness.

But what about 'thus I was humbled'?—if someone has a son whom he loves and desires, and sees him burning, he is humbled, because not as he wished him to live, thus he sees him suffering evil. Since therefore I was providing opportunities for virtue as toward neighbors and brothers, but they themselves were proving to be enemies and foes, I was humbled toward them, though it was necessary for me to rejoice toward them. What do you think of Paul concerning Hymenaeus and Alexander, was he not humbled seeing them shipwrecked concerning the faith? Was it not previously thus toward them, that he did not love, did not give opportunities toward blessedness? And if these things are said regarding the face of the Savior, he is able to say these things regarding Judas and regarding the whole people of the Hebrews. And they rejoiced against me and were gathered together.

But do you wish to know that the descent upon one sinning is humiliation? Paul writes to the Corinthians, stirring them up toward repentance, he says: 'Lest coming I should find you and my God should humble me' (1 Cor 4:14). The holy man is exalted when he sees those being helped by him becoming better. And a father, having rejoiced over children and being glad, is exalted. If I had been preserving the love which I was preserving toward them, toward me, I would not have been humbled, but I would have been exalted, having such as equals, having sharers. 'And they rejoiced against me and were gathered together.' But I was thus toward them from most private compassion; but they, from the opposite, having been gathered against me, rejoiced or, having rejoiced against me, were gathered together, in order that they might bring more evil and misery to me. Scourges were gathered against me, and I did not know. The eagerness is to do evil. I said in the previous readings from one of the psalms, that the same evils are to some as scourges, and to others as contests, when...